In a Nairobi office, a young professional named Faith found herself at a crossroads during a routine meeting. When a senior colleague assumed her agreement with an impractical idea, she hesitated—caught between speaking her mind and preserving her reputation as a cooperative team member.
Faith, whose identity has been concealed for privacy, had already spent two years at a prestigious firm. As one of the first women in her family to earn a university degree, she was determined to succeed. Yet, in that moment, she chose silence.
“I didn’t want to be labeled as difficult,” she admitted. “There’s an unspoken rule that women should always be agreeable, always smiling.”
Her experience reflects a broader trend identified in a recent study by McKinsey, which examined workplace dynamics in Kenya, Nigeria, and India. While women hold half of entry-level positions in sectors like finance and healthcare, their representation plummets to just 26% in senior leadership roles—a phenomenon researchers call the “broken rung” of the corporate ladder.
The Burden of “Likeability”
Experts describe this pressure to conform as “likeability labour”—a term coined to capture the exhausting mental gymnastics women perform daily to avoid being perceived as abrasive or confrontational.
Amy Kean, a sociologist behind a UK-based study on workplace behavior, explains: “Women constantly second-guess themselves, softening their language with phrases like, ‘Does that make sense?’ or ‘Sorry, just quickly…’ It’s a survival tactic in environments where assertiveness is penalized.”
Her research found that 56% of women feel compelled to be likable at work, compared to just 36% of men. The disparity is even starker in performance reviews, where women are far more likely to be criticized for their demeanor.
Cultural Roots and Professional Consequences
Dr. Gladys Nyachieo, a Kenyan sociologist, notes that societal expectations compound the issue. “Women are raised to prioritize others—whether at home or in the office,” she says, referencing the Kiswahili term office mathe, or “office mother,” describing women who take on unpaid caretaking roles at work.
But this extra labor rarely translates into career advancement. “You won’t get promoted for making tea,” Dr. Nyachieo warns. “You have to advocate for yourself.”
As a mentor to young professionals, she urges women to resist the pressure to be perpetually pleasant. “If you’re always agreeable, you’ll go nowhere,” she insists. “Negotiate, challenge, and demand your worth.”
For Faith, that advice has been transformative. “I’m learning that my voice matters,” she says. “Even if it means being uncomfortable in the moment.”
The path forward, experts argue, requires systemic change—from flexible workplace policies to mentorship programs that empower women to lead authentically. Until then, many will continue navigating the tightrope between professionalism and self-advocacy, one unspoken expectation at a time.
